Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Paying for Others

I was thinking how at times we find ourselves in a position where we are paying a bill that is not ours. Although it may be normal it certainly is not fair. Let me explain.

Here you are in a relationship. The problem is that in the past your better half got screwed royally in their last relationship. They were hurt and deceived. Now, you are not the one who did this dirty deed. You were not any where around. And from the time you did come into the picture you have done nothing but been trustworthy and honest. The problem is that because of the past you now find yourself facing a wall of protection. Your partner, while believing that you are honest in your feelings, still cannot get over the fact that they too trusted their last relationship. And if they were wrong then, then they could be wrong now. And so, a wall surrounds the person. Sometimes the wall is opaque and clearly seen. Other times it is clear like glass but still impassable. For no matter what you do, or what you say, there will always be the possibility that this relationship won't work. That your partner will again be hurt or worse deceived again. Nothing can stop that nagging doubt.

Can any relationship thrive while paying the bills of others. I don't think so. I think that everyone suffers hurt and deceit in their lifetimes. And while we can all learn and should learn from our experiences, we have to be careful  not to let it to change us. We cannot just build a wall and live behind it. Each person peeking out but never truly allowing themselves to be free.

I think that is what makes love and trust the hardest thing. We have to take everything we know about pain and hurt and somehow lock it away. We can't let it dance around us  with wagging fingers. We have to take the chance that although we may be hurt again,  we will NEVER truly feel  love making others pay bills that aren't theirs.

Without opening ourselves up to potential hurt and betrayal we will never feel loved fully. Instead their will always be doubt. Doubt that we will be hurt again. And therein lies the toughest part about love.

Unless we leave ourselves open to pain and hurt we can never truly feel loved.

Unless we leave ourselves open we will always remain closed.

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