So Why do we get up each day?

I have been spending a lot of time with my parents these days. They are at that stage of their life where medical concerns start to dominate their lives. Their memories while once sharp now have dulled. My mom has quite a few physical challenges and has just returned home after almost 3 months in the hospital and rehab. Dad, while pretty good physically is starting to forget more and more things. I have tried and help them out through moms medical challenges. This post is not about their medical concerns but rather about how ones life changes and how to cope with it.

I watch my dad a lot lately. In his early life he was a great people person. All his life he was in charge of people and things. He had kids to look after and raise, and money to earn to support his family. Every day he got up, there was somewhere to go and something to do. He was the "GOTO" guy at home and all of his kids would look to him for guidance. People relied on him and he always came through. He was a people person, and loved talking to people.

Now at age 77 he is having trouble coming to grips with where his life is now. He no longer has a job to go to, nor people there who look to him for decisions and guidance. His children have all grown, have kids, and now come less and less to him for guidance. He looks after my mom but other than that really does not have a lot to do. And in a total role reversal it is now he who relies on his children for guidance and assistance. How hard that must be for him. Who he was and what he awoke each day for has changed. So now what is his role?

Sometimes when I am with my parents it's like being with my kids. It makes me see how much life turns in a full circle. I think that it is important that a person always has something to get up for. Something that they still want to accomplish. But, also important to understand that the roles constantly change and so we have to constantly redefine ourselves within those changes.

I too am hitting those changes. My kids are growing up. My daughter, just turned 18 is now legally responsible for her own actions. My son is going to be 16 and he too is moving forward. Sure they still respect what I have to stay and certainly are reliant on me financially, but not like when they were young. When I was their everything.

I talk to my dad about figuring out what he wants to do with his life, but I now realize that I too am at that very stage. My kids will need my time less and less, and for any parents reading this you surely know how much time that gives you back. And now, my main role of being a dad is no longer the same.

I guess what I am really saying is that in life we all have to meet change head on. We don't have to fight it but embrace it. And not be scared to walk down that road that is not so comfortable. The one we may not have walked on for a long time. The ones that we have never walked on.

My Kids 18...Oh my

My Daughter is turning 18 in one hour. Oh my. Gulp. She is now legally responsible for herself. Of course I will always be there. It's so hard to look at her now a beautiful women and not see my little girl. I have to remember though because indeed she is well on her way to becoming a woman. One with thoughts, and morals, and goals and fears.

Soon she will be moving out and going to university. I remember the first time she went to overnight camp. We took her to a parking lot to meet the bus. She got on and then the bus drove off. And with it went my heart. I was depressed for days.

Sometimes now when she is away from home, I forget and many times find myself waiting up for her.

I hope that she has a good life. That she chooses her paths wisely. That she shows kindness and compassion. I wish so many things for her as do all parents for their children. But for now.

I just want to wish her a HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

Dear Ravelry

Dear Ravelry

It’s not that I don’t appreciate you, but what have you done? It started simply with a quick view of your site that first time. And that pattern I found that made me run to my LYS to buy Yarn. But it wasn’t one pattern was it? No, because I found another and another and back to the LYS for more Yarn I went. Again and again.

But it got worse. I found your forums and groups. So, what in the heck was Portuguese Knitting. And so there I was on-line ordering DVD’s and Pins to learn this new thing that Ravelry was showing me. And what about those stranded friends that I have found. They began to talk about Alice Starmores book and lo and behold back to the LYS I went. And there it was right on the counter. It wasn’t there before? Was Ravelry and my LYS the same thing. One giant knitting empire? And of course I needed more stash and more stash. But that was okay because my Raverly friends would help to show me the way.

And way they did because what about Double Knitting? Wasn’t there a Lucy Neatby DVD on just that subject. I must call my LYS again. So on the phone I went placing my order. “How much is it”? I asked, although we both know the answer wouldn’t really matter.

Where will it all stop? My kids have left and my wife has divorced me. My dog shakes his head at me everytime I walk by on the way to my LYS. My Job has just become another way to fund my Ravelry habit. Do I give all my earthly possessions to Ravelry?

Looking around at my DVD’s, Knitting pins, Needles, Books, Stash and piles of projects both finished and half finshed I can’t help but wonder how it all happened?

Yours Sincerely

A Happy Knitter

The most dramatic blog yet!

Was just watching an episode of American Idol and working on a pair of socks. Each episode seems to contain someone saying at some point..."Stay tuned for the most dramatic episode yet". As a matter of fact almost every reality show out there says the same thing. And of course each week you tune in and it really isn't that dramatic. But that got me to thinking. What else could they say. I mean if we knew that the priors week show was the most dramatic and nothing new would be better, then we would never continue to watch. What's more this very statement that the most dramatic was yet to come gives us hope. Hope that the future holds something even better. And then I realized that this was really a metaphor for life.

What if we had nothing to look forward to? How hard would it be to wake up knowing that. But if we always think that the most dramatic or exciting thing was just about to happen. We would always look forward to the future with anticipation. We would be eager to wake each day so we could find out what that "MOST" thing was. Maybe thats why we are all so infatuated with reality shows. They give us in a most perverted way a sense of hope. A sense of something to look forward to. As a matter of fact thats probably why a show like Jerry |Springer is so popular. If I ever was going to consider suicide I would just watch an episode of Jerry. Afterall how bad could my life be when I see the people on the show.

So even though it's annoying every week to hear that the next week was going to be the most dramatic. It is also a way to live by?

Must be late at night!

LYS Infidelity

How much longer can I keep this up? Stuck in the middle. Who to choose?

I have two Local Yarn Stores in my neighborhood. A year ago when I started knitting I began to go to one of them. The staff and owners that I met were young, great to talk to, and really helped me to get going on my knitting. I was even asked to teach a class in Continental Knitting. I would look forward to needing yarn or needles so I could pay a visit. Life was good and simple then.

One day however, while taking one of my daughters friends home I noticed that there was another LOCAL YARN STORE. I felt a rush of excitement as I laid my eyes on it. What was in there? Who was in there. And best of all it had a parking lot. My Local Yarn Store didn't have a parking lot. You had to park on the street. That is if there was a spot. Sometimes you would have to drive around a few times. But not here? Just pull in and park! Oh the possibilities.

A few days later I found myself getting in the car to get some wool. I first went by my LYS but for some reason didn't get out of the car. Instead the car turned around and headed to that NEW LYS. I arrived and pulled right in, parking right in front of the store. Cool.....I walked in. I was greeted by one of the owners. Wait!..I know her. I looked around and this store was much bigger than my LYS. And so many different yarns and needles and books. Lots of books,

I dropped by a few more times and each time found myself talking with the owner. She had a great knowledge of knitting. Was honest, and experienced, and kind. I found myself soaking up any knowledge she cared to give and then rushed home to try it out. I even took a course and can honestly say that she changed and revolutionized my thoughts on knitting. Wow..

But what about my OLD LYS....how could I just abandon it. I was wracked with guilt. I went by the old LYS and bought a few token balls of yarn. I wanted to buy more. But at my new LYS if I bought yarn they would give me more advice...more ideas. But I really liked my old LYS and they were there for me in the beginning. I was even scheduled to teach a class. How could I show my face there given these circumstances.

I decided I couldn't let one LYS know about the other. I would just have to juggle them both never letting one know that I knew the other. I could do it. I was sure! But it wasn't that easy. I would finish a project and want to bring it in to show it off. But where did I buy the yarn. I couldn't , afterall, bring it in where I didn't buy it. That would give me away for sure.

Or what about when I had a question about a project? Who sold me the yarn on that project? I found myself creating an elaborate system to catalog my stash so I knew exactly where it came from.

I was doing okay keeping it up with both of them. It was stressful but I was pulling it off. But then one day it happened. I was grocery shopping one lazy day. Just walking up and down the aisles aimlessly thinking of my two LYS's when I heard someone say "HI". I looked over but even before I saw I knew from the sound of that voice who it was. It was my young and fresh LYS. "Hi" I said back. My initial smile dropped a second later when I realized that the hat and scarf I had on were not hers. "Maybe she wouldn't see it", I thought. But I could tell by the hurt in her eyes that she knew. At that moment she knew everything. I was caught! ...After an awkward silence we both managed to mumble a few uncomfortable words to each other and then said a quick good bye. The cat was out of the bag. I was busted.

I was a two timing LYS'er!

Did it really matter?

I got mad today! Boy oh Boy were my feelings ever hurt. Someone so close had said something I thought was so selfish. And I spent my day ruminating on that anger. Stewing in it and carrying it like a torch. Here was a fight that needed to be fought.

REALLY?

You see over the last month I have found myself spending many hours at the hospital. My mom is still in there and I went there to help both her and Dad deal with the different doctors and nurses.

The first week my mom was there they gave her a room in the "Cancer" ward. Mom, who was a bit loopi from an infection that got to her brain, thought she herself had Cancer. I kept telling her she didn't but she would just smile and look at me like she knew better. I remembered the look she gave because it was the same one she gave me when I was a teenager. She would smile and say "I know what you are doing, you can't fool me". And I would laugh because she never did know what I was doing. The truth was that she didn't have Cancer. She would learn this as her head cleared.

That week though, I was around some very sick people. Many had a hard time doing the simple stuff that we take for granted. Most of them were fighting for their lives. You could imagine the pain they would go through during that time. I knew that some would eventually lose that fight.

Although my mom was also sick, she was probably the healthiest person on that ward. Explaining to her that she only had an infection it kind of felt as if the other patients would envy us. We were not one of them, and our fight while very real to us, it was only a fraction of what everyone else on that floor would face. Sometimes when Dad would get impatient at the doctors, I wanted him to just quiet down because I felt that the other patients really needed the doctors much more than we did.

After a week mom was moved up to the Acute Geriatrics ward. In the bed next to her was an elderly lady who would scream morning, noon, and night. It was very irritating and I think everyone not just in the room but on the whole floor wished she would stop. We came to learn however that she had been in the "Concentration Camps" in Germany. And her screaming was the result of nightmares. And suddenly you could just imagine the fight she had in her life and the horrors that she faced every time she closed her eyes.

So why am I telling you this? Well I guess tonight as I was thinking about why I was mad, the main thing that I kept thinking was ....Did it really matter?

Is that really the fight I need to fight?

Portuguese Knitting

I just received my video and pins from Andrea Wong. She has been great to deal with. Lately I have been dealing with a bit of stress as my mom is having some medical issues. Knitting when I get back home from the hospital has helped keep me calm. I am just about finished my Almost Double knit scarf and can't wait to start a project using the new Portuguese knitting technique. Whether it will replace my continental is debatable, given that I am pretty quick and even in that method, but I can see some really good uses. The video shows some great stranding techniques that I think might help with eveness compared to now when I use Continental with one hand and english with the other. I am going to try an sock or mitten with the PK and see how it goes. Still fiddling round with tension at the moment to get it right.

It's amazing how many different techniques there really are to make a knit and purl stitch. Besides the three I have learned I see a forum on Ravelry that talks about Russian Knitting. And how about the Norwegian Purl stitch I learned last week. Amazing how you can do the same thing so many different ways.

I'll let you know how my PK knitting progresses but one thing for sure it's the first knitting style where it's easier to Purl than to knit. As well it looks like doing lace might be a breeze. Thanks to Andrea for her help along the way.